What Gay Hockey Means to Me

What you are about to read is true, only the story has been changed to make it more interesting.

I have been asked to write about my thoughts on hockey and what gay hockey means to me. I guess I'll start by saying that hockey is my life. It is one of the most important things to me. In my 29 years on this planet, I have yet to find something as exciting or exhilarating. I look forward to every game, to seeing my teammates, to playing hard, skating fast and having a great time.

However, there was a time when I despised all sports and hated anything that required physical activity. I was not a very athletic child. It was quite visible to my fellow high school students that I was of no use to them in any sport. My self-esteem dropped lower than a cold thermometer in February. I was never really too excited about participating in gym class anyway, and after a while, I turned away from sports completely.

Ten years later, I was 24, and totally closeted. I didn't have much of a social life and I needed something, anything, to occupy my time. Two of my younger cousins asked me to come watch them play ice hockey in a league where they lived. I had nothing better to do, so I went along to watch. I didn't know anything about the game except that it was played on ice with a puck. I never bothered to learn the rules of ice hockey when I was younger because I knew back then (thanks to the help of my classmates) that I'd never amount to anything in the world of athletics. I sat up in the stands with all of the parents and grandparents and looked on as they cheered and booed, every now and then verbally abusing an official. I would occasionally ask a question or two, picking up things here and there. I was learning about ice hockey and the more I learned, the more I liked the game. It fascinated me.

My cousins suggested that if I liked the game so much, I should start playing hockey. I didn't agree with them, explaining my background in sports and my inability to be good at one. They convinced me to go ice skating with them one day, just to try it out. It seemed like a challenge, since the last time I wore ice skates was in 1976 when my dad took me skating with my brother and sister. After ice skating, I had made a very big decision. I decided I was going to become a hockey player, like my cousins.

I practiced my skating a few times a week and then I joined an adult hockey instructional league. I played on two teams and some weeks I played up to four nights. I became certified as a referee, I started coaching in the youth hockey program and I went to as many NHL games as I could afford. I was obsessed with ice hockey.

Even today, ice hockey is still a very large part of my life, but recently it had to move over and make room for a newly discovered social life. I came out of the closet in June of this year and now I am aware that there are many other things to do besides play hockey. There's meeting new people, dating and other activities which I don't think I need to elaborate on.

While playing around on the internet, I discovered the Toronto Gay Hockey Association (TGHA). I read all about it and then decided to register for Friendship '97, a gay hockey tournament organized by the TGHA. I was so excited. Until now, I didn't think gay hockey tournaments existed. I still find it funny that everyone who I tell about the tournament asks me the same question: "They have those?!?"

A good friend of mine called me when I got home from Toronto. He was very anxious to find out what happened at my first gay hockey tournament. I think he was expecting to hear stories involving players cruising one another on face-offs, followed by mass orgies in the locker room. I wouldn't be totally honest to say that the same thoughts hadn't crossed my mind at least once, especially when I opened my registration packet and found three condoms along with my tournament guide book. I told my friend that after meeting my teammates and playing a game or two, I learned there was only one difference between gay hockey and straight hockey, that difference being which bars we went to afterwards to drink.

Hockey is hockey. It doesn't matter if the players are gay or straight. The only variable in the game are the people who play in it. They are the one's who make the game worth while. After participating in Friendship '97, it occurred to me that there is a benefit to having organized gay teams. Many sports are not yet "gay friendly" which may discourage some people from participating. Gay teams give people who might have turned away from the game an opportunity to play. They help make the sport to grow larger and they help those who participate in the sport to grow. I'm proud to say that ice hockey has changed my life in a very positive way. First, it was there to fill the void in my life when I was in the closet, and now that I'm out, it helps to raise my self-esteem with every game I play and it provides me with enjoyment from goal line to goal line. Oh yeah, did I mention that it's also a great way to meet guys?

By Jeff Kagan
October 24, 1997
E-mail the author.